My Grown-Up Christmas List

Straight From Within Ep.15: I first heard this Christmas song from the album “Platinum Christmas”, a cover version of Monica, back in year 2000. The song is good in terms of its melody and lyrics.

“No more lives torn apart / That wars would never start / And time would heal all hearts / And everyone would have a friend / And right would always win / And love would never end / This is my grown up Christmas list”

When I was a child, I was already taught the true meaning of Christmas - that it is the birthday of Jesus Christ. But as a child, I am more excited of the fact that I will be receiving gifts and money for Christmas.

When I was already studying in elementary, I was still looking forward to accepting gifts and cash. But this time, I already started to buy gifts for my family and friends. This continued until college.

Last Christmas was a totally different one for me. It was the first Christmas that I am already working. I gave more than what I got, though it is really not a big deal for me. Actually, I felt happy for it. I started to feel the saying that “Christmas is for the children”. What’s more important for me is our family is together for the holidays.

It’s nice that the perception of Christmas for us is changing as we grow old. Most of us are already becoming less materialistic. We wish peace and happiness for our family, as well as for the whole mankind.

But of course, we must always remember the true meaning of Christmas… It’s not the material things… It is Jesus Christ. Happy Holidays everybody!

Learning From Friends

Straight From Within Ep.14: Friends are there to keep us company - through the good times and the bad times. We like sharing stories and opinions with them. But sometimes, we’ll just realize that we are learning from them - not actually from their friendly advices, but from their experiences.

It is common for friends to share their problems and secrets. It is a way of releasing those unwanted feelings, as well as a way of getting the comfort that they want from their friends. In return, those who listened also got lessons from their friend.

It was a usual night for me and some of my friends last Saturday night. We attended an anticipated mass, ate dinner together, and shared stories. We came to a point where we were already talking about some serious matters until a friend shared some sort of family problem. He might not know this but until now, I am still thinking about the conversation we had. I learned from his story.

I am the type of person who cannot control spending whenever I have money, though it lessened when I started to work. But I think it was just okay because I earned my money, and I think it is just fine if I spend it on the things I want, but of course, I still limit myself. Actually, my way of thinking when I am depressed is to buy things that I want. But still, I want to lessen my spendings on unimportant things and just put my money on more important things.

It was getting late that’s why we decided to go home.

I have this plan for a few months now of coming up with a segment or whatsoever here in Rowjielogy called “Dekada” or “More Than A Decade Of Friendships”, where I want to feature my friends who have been with me for a decade or more than a decade now. I just hope I’ll have time to push through this plan.

Opportunities Come

Straight From Within Ep.13: It’s really funny because sometimes I feel like there are no good opportunities coming my way. But when they come, they come all together, making me so confused which one to choose…

I do thank the Lord for giving me wonderful opportunities. But sometimes, we have to decide whether to grab those opportunities or not. I have lots of things to consider which makes me confused. Another hard instance is when you have several opportunities right in front of you and you only have to choose one, without knowing where that decision will bring you. It’s a matter of choice.

I do believe in God’s reasons and perfect timing. I believe that He will give us good opportunities according to His plan. But sometimes, we really don’t know what He wants for us, that’s why we used to ask for a sign from above.

I’m in a state where I have to choose something important, yet there’s still no assurance whether where I will really succeed. What sign can I ask from God to help me decide? Or should I just follow my heart… where I know I’ll be happy, and where I’ll love what I’ll do?

Hard Decisions

Episode 12: Sometimes, we come to a point in our lives where we have to make an important decision. Sometimes, we need a lot of time to come up with a decision because we want to weigh things first.

In making a decision, we consider several factors. I remember back in college when we had to choose a “specialization”. We can choose one of these four: Multimedia, Unix, Database, Cisco, or Java. Of course, if we have to choose, we’ll think first of what is our interest. But after some time, you will come to think… “Will I learn here?”, “Will I be happy here?”, “Am I really interested?”, and any other questions that might come into our minds.

I was confused between Multimedia and Database back then. Actually, I’m interested in both. I also thought of choosing Unix because most of my friends took that specialization. I also considered Java because good opportunities come when you know Java.

But I followed my heart… I chose Multimedia, because I thought we would do graphics designs or animations there. But we were wrong! We had to do web applications! Haha. But I really enjoyed my Multimedia classes. Really.

Anyway, we can compare this in deciding for our career. Well, we might have different opinions about this. It depends where we will find happiness. Of course, who would not want to work in a well-known company? Who would not want to work in a company with lots of benefits? Who would not want to work in a company who will help you to get certified? Who would not want to work in a company where you will get a high salary?

Those are examples of the factors that most of us consider in finding a job. But if you ask me… I would be happy to work for a company where I’ll be paid the same or higher than what I am expecting, where I’ll meet new friends, where I can move comfortably and freely, and where will not get so much time from me because I want to make it a point to give time to my friends, my loved ones and of course, to myself.

Straight From Within Ep.11

Good day! I want to do this post in Tagalog. I think kasi mas ma-e-express ko siya ng maayos kapag Tagalog ang ginamit ko.  I really want to be honest kung ano ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Para at least man lang ma-i-release ko siya kahit papaano.

Medyo maraming mga bagay ang bumabagabag sa akin recently. Maaalalang nagsara ang aming opisina noong June. Hindi ako naghanap agad ng trabaho dahil payo sa akin ng aking doktor na magpahinga muna. Okay naman siguro na magtrabaho agad ako pero huwag lang ako magpapagod masyado, which is mahirap sa trabaho ng isang programmer dahil madalas ang overtime.

Salamat sa Diyos at medyo bumuti na ang katawan ko. Kaya medyo nagsisimula na rin akong maghanap-hanap ng bagong trabaho. Ang isa sa mga pinakarason ko ay dahil nalalapit na ang Pasko. Sa totoo lang kasi, paborito kong okasyon ang Pasko. Siguro noon dahil alam kong marami akong matatanggap na regalo. Pero matanda na ako.  Pero lagi ko pa rin pinaghahandaan ang Pasko dahil masaya ako pag dumarating ito.

Isa pa sa mga rason ko ay makatulong din kahit papaano sa mga gastusin sa bahay. Kung sarili ko lang naman ang pagkakagastusan ko, eh siguro gugustuhin ko pa ang konti pang bakasyon. Pero ayoko din naman yung nanadito lang ako sa bahay. Siyempre, nasanay na din naman ang katawan ko na may ginagawa.

Kamakailan ay may trabaho akong inapplyan sa Ortigas. Pirma na lang ang kailangan ko at makakapagtrabaho na uli ako. Pero nalalayuan talaga ako sa lugar. Pakiramdam ko pag-uwi ko ay bagsak na ako. Hindi pwedeng ganun. Ma mga responsibilidad pa ako sa bahay pag-uwi ko, at may iba pa akong kailangang gawin. Hindi pa bumabalik ang katawan ko sa dating lakas. Di ko nga alam kung babalik pa. Ito rin ang sabi na aking mommy… Malayo daw. Alam kong concern siya sa akin, at ipinagpapasalamat ko iyon. Nakakalungkot lang dahil kahit papaano nakadama na ako ng saya dahil akala ko makakapagtrabaho na uli ako. Pero hindi pa rin pala. Pero sabi ko nga, di ko naman minasama ang pag-alala ng aking ina.

Masakit din doon ay dahil akala ko makakasama ko uli ang kaibigan ko sa trabaho. Napag-usapan na namin yun kaya itinuloy namin ang application namin doon. Nauna lang siya sa akin at naka-oo na siya doon. Pero ako, hindi ko itinuloy. Hanggang ngayon ay tila binabagabag ako ng konsensya ko. Pakiramdam ko ay nang-iwan ako sa ere. Isa ito sa mga rason kung bakit nahirapan akong tanggihan ang magandang offer. Kasi kung wala din naman yung kaibigan ko doon, hindi problema sa akin na tanggihan yun.

Kaya parang back to zero ako sa paghahanap - walang katapusang exams at interview. Nakakadepressed kapag alam mong pumalpak ka sa test o interview. Pakiramdam ko minsan ang bobo ko. Pakiramdam ko minsan hindi pa sapat ang nalalaman ko. Minsan di ko alam kung saan ako pupulutin.

At yun ang isa sa nakakatakot - kapag depressed ako. Bibilhin ko ang makita kong gusto ko. Ibig sabihin, gagastos talaga ako. Pang-alis ba ng stress. Kahit nung college ay ganito na ako.

Medyo mahirap maghanap ng trabaho ngayon, lalo na’t patapos na ang taon. Naranasan ko na ito noon dahil ganitong mga panahon rin nung naghanap ako ng una kong trabaho. Inaappreciate ko naman kung may “ibang” nagsasabi na “Apply ka dito sa kumpanyang ito… blah blah blah!”. Marahil ay gusto nilang makatulong. Pero minsan iba ang epekto nun sa isang tao. Parang inaalisan mo siya ng kumpyansa sa sarili niya. Maaari mong sabihin na ma-pride ang isang tao pero siyempre, may mga tao kasi na gusto nilang gawin ang lahat para sa sarili nila… yung bang mapatunayan na kaya nila. Hindi naman siguro masama yun kahit papaano.

Kumbaga ako, alam ko kung ano ang gusto kong trabaho. Gusto ko, makahanap ako ng trabaho sa sarili kong pamamaraan kasi ako ang nakakakilala sa sarili kong kakayanan. Actually, di ko ipinagmamalaki kung ano ang alam ko eh. Ang hanap ko talaga ngayon ay lugar kung saan ako mas lalo pang matututo sa bagay kung saan ako intereseado.

Lalo na sa mundo ng Information Technology (IT). Hindi dahil IT graduate ako ay pwede ko ng applyan ang lahat ng job openings para sa IT. Masyadong malawak ang IT - may networking, database, programming, etc. At kahit programming ay malawak pa rin - web development, software development. At hindi pa rin tapos dahil kahit web development ay medyo malawak pa rin - anong programming language ang alam mo? etc. Kaya kahit marami ang openings for IT, hindi ka pa rin makakasiguro kung meron ba sa iyong “specialization”.

Hindi naman ako tamad eh. Naghahanap naman ako ng trabaho. Pero siyempre, di naman lahat pwede kong pasukan eh.

Eto na rin ang rason kung bakit ako madalas umalis kasama ng aking mga kaibigan kapag Sabado ng gabi. Gusto ko lang huwag isipin ang mga bumabagabag sa akin kahit ilang oras lang. Masaya ako sa mga kaibigan ko. Matagal ko na rin sila nakasama kaya kilala na namin ang isa’t-isa.

Nakakatampo lang minsan kapag may ibang hindi nakakasama sa amin. Pero iniintindi na lang namin kasi siyempre, may kanya-kanya na rin kaming buhay sa ngayon. Nakakalungkot lang na kapag iba naman ay nasasamahan nila pero pag kami, hindi. Okay lang. Pangit naman kung pipilitin mong sumama ang isang tao sa iyo diba? Nakakalungkot din kapag yung iba naman ay feeling nila ay wala na silang kaibigan, samantalang heto naman kami naghihintay para sa kanya.

Medyo gumugulo din sa akin ang isa ko pang nararamdaman… Yung bang may galit o inis ka sa isang tao, na iisipin mo kung anong gusto mong mangyari sa kanya - yung mapagalitan, maparusahan, etc. Pero pag nandun na sa point na yun, eh parang di mo naman kayang makita siya ng ganun dahil nakakadama ka ng awa. Hay. Isa ito siguro sa weakness ko bilang isang tao.

Bawat araw na nagsisimula ay nagdadala sa akin ng bagong pag-asa. Naniniwala naman ako doon eh. Pero minsan, hindi lang maiiwasan ang mga bagay na magpapahina ng iyong kalooban…

Straight From Within Ep.10

Moving On

Recently, I just found myself living my daily life with doubts and hatred. I really didn’t like that feeling because it’s killing my happiness. Until one day, I decided to move on with my life. Not for any other reasons, but I want to return to the same old me.

I know that it will take me a long time to remove hatred in my heart. But at least, I’m already in the process of doing it, and I am happy that I can do it little by little. I just want to forget whatever undesirable things that happened in the past. I want to start a new chapter in our lives, if time will allow. Of course, everything should start with a nice conversation. But now, I am happy with what I am doing.

Working To Earn Money

Of course, everybody would work to earn money. But it doesn’t mean that we let money take over our lives. We need money for our daily expenses.

I’ve been unemployed since July of this year after the company I used to work to closed by the end of June of this year. It took me some days to accept the reality that I got to find a new job.

Mark, a friend an an officemate in the said company, told me a very nice opportunity. Oh well, I’ll not go into it further until we finish that project. Hehe.

Honestly, that project is good. But we need to sacrifice a lot of things. Sometimes, it seems depressing but I am still full of hope that we will reach our goal. For now, aside from continuing with that project, I have started applying for a new job. Wah! What will happen next???

Strength & Weakness

Some of my friends know me as someone who is courageous when I am angry. I don’t care if people will hear me shouting. As long as I can show that I am really angry, then I will.  But with that strength that I show, also comes my weakness. I cry when I fight with a friend, or someone I love. I don’t know why. Is it because of too much anger? Or is it because it hurts me to fight with them?

We also can’t avoid to feel bad with some people. But sometimes, I can’t take to look at them whenever they are scolded. I feel pity for them. I know that it’s just the right thing to do with them, but I really feel pity for them. I don’t know why.

Straight From Within Ep.9

Perpekto Ka Ba?

Hindi ka ba maaasar kapag may tao na sa tuwing nagkikita kayo eh palagi na lang may sinasabing negative tungkol sa iyo. Kunwari, parang pandidirian ka dahil may tigyawat ka sa mukha mo. Na tinitignan ka na parang adik dahil bigla kang namayat. Na sa totoo naman ay namayat ka dahil nagkasakit ka. Tapos pati buhok mo ay papansinin pa - kung bakit manipis. Whatever! Nakakaasar lang kasi parang palagi ka na lang hinahanapan ng mali. Wala ka na mang ginagawang masama sa kanila. Nananahimik ka na nga lang eh. Bakit naman ganun. Ano tingin nila sa akin, manhid? Tapos minsan parang ipapahiya ka pa sa ibang tao. It’s a BIG SHET!

The Good Samaritans in David’s Salon

One time, I went to the salon to have my hair cut. Everything was normal in the beginning. I just wondered why the assistant asked me if I was with someone that day. I said, “No”. Then everything went as usual until I noticed that my lips are becoming pale and I felt that I was about to faint. I just kept on trying to keep my eyes open.

After the stylist cut my hair, her assistant asked me if I am okay. I said no. They gave me a mug of water and they let me smelled “white flower”. They let me sit on a comfortable chair. They wiped my perspiration. After some minutes, I already started to feel good already.

I don’t know how to thank the people in David’s Salon in SM Bacoor. But I will not forget that experience of mine where I met a lot of good Samaritans.

So Much In Love

Last week, I had my usual “blog hopping”. I was amazed because I have read three blogs consecutively with their latest blog entries is about being in love. Well, maybe everybody knows how it feels to be in love. That’s why when someone tells us story about their happy love lives, we too most of the time feel happy too.

It’s so nice to see two people who are so much in love with each other. There is some kind of “spark” that you can’t explain… Yes, “spark”…